Save Your Watch

save your watch

save your watch

When the B.S. gets deep, adopt the universal signal to express your recognition of pap and nonsense. Raise your hand above your head and mutter, “save your watch”. Resort to this behavior whenever you detect a politician is sprinting toward a camera and a microphone. Last week’s $850bn bailout provided just such an opportunity….

Fighters pilots are known for the large size of both their egos and their wristwatches. I happen to know this as a recovering fighter pilot and as one who used to wear a cheap Seiko the size of a hockey puck. It didn’t matter that most of us had no idea what all the dials, bezels, and hands did, it looked neat and frankly, it was the most valuable thing we owned. 

Upon encountering a person of dubious character or qualifications, we had a universal signal of distress. As we felt ourselves being overcome by b.s. and bilge we would slowly and quietly raise our hand above our heads and mutter; “its getting deep, save your watch “. You know, kind of like Shelly Winters in the original Poseidon Adventure.

I felt this way as I watched the herd of jacket and tie Senate members sprinting to the CNN microphone pretending to be victorious gladiators coming out of the coliseum. They had just voted to pass along the $700 billion bi-product of their financial malfeasance to us. I didn’t know whether to laugh at the spectacle of their lack of self awareness or to cry at what they had done; so I raised my left hand and muttered “save your watch”.  

They presented themselves as the heroes that had just saved the American way of life as we know it. Never mind that they were the putz(es) (what’s that?: http://www.yiddishdictionaryonline.com/ ) who led us into the quicksand in the first place.

If I hear phrases one more time like: hard work, my colleague, my good friend, the gentleman from ‘wherever’, bipartisan, coming together, rescuing our economy, or put politics behind us, I’ll scream. And give us a break about coming back to Washington, working into the night, and hours of tough debate. Save the histrionics (what’s that? http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/histrionics ) for someone who cares. Basicmen do this kind of stuff all the time and call it part of the job. 

The dirty secret is that the $700B deal that our senators passed is actually close to an $850B deal. In order for them to save us from ourselves, they snuck in an extra $100+ billion into the bill for stuff like a renewable energy tax provision, ‘wool research’?, race tracks, and Caribbean rum. Just Google ‘political arrogance’ if you think I’m kidding.

In the words of Judd Gregg (R-NH) chief minority negotiator on the bill, “the bill included what looks suspiciously like pork because it had to get passed before adjournment”. What? Eat your vegetables or you can’t go out and play.

…. “and excuse me waitress, just give basicman the bill….”

 “Save your watch”, he muttered.

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