One would assume that nobody likes the toxic atmosphere our civil discourse has taken, except for media talking heads that make their money throwing fuel on social fires. So, I propose a hypothetical exercise. Since outspoken and important folks from the VP on down have taken to categorizing a certain American political group (read: Tea Party) as terrorists and hostage takers, and since nobody thinks a terrorist is a good thing whether it wears an explosive vest or a Congressional lapel pin, let’s take the liberal side of things and promote all the good stuff they would like to see in America if they just didn’t have to fight the “terrorists”.
Disclaimers: 1.) Even though names and labels are essential to understanding certain things – I dislike most of them unless they’re positive and build up the person being described 2.) I am not a Tea Partier, although I support ideas of limited government, tax reform, reduced federal spending and an ‘originalist’ interpretation of the Constitution.
Let’s begin by opening up the southern border and yell “Olly, Olly, Home Free”. That’ll get the party started. And then we can hand an official US citizenship card to each and every previously illegal alien already here so that the next time they use a legitimate ICE border crossing, hospital, school, DMV, voting booth, or local Moneygram store, they can do so without feeling like they’re not a legitimate part of the American family. What could possibly go wrong?
On we move to Congress where we allow the smartest guys in the room unabated access to the Federal Treasury. Who needs a stinking budget? Apparently we haven’t needed one for the last two years as we haven’t fallen into the sea, or even defaulted. S&P only downgraded our credit rating because they made an arithmetic error. Let’s continue with Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and all the other free stuff we do for people just like we always have because … well, we’re good people, not like those bankrupt lunatics in Greece, France, Ireland, England, and Spain. The craziness on their streets could never happen here. What could possibly go wrong?
And while we’re talking about money and spending, let’s de-stigmatize the word ‘earmark’. We need to be vigilant however about any revenue talk concerning tax loopholes for private jet owners, hedge fund guys, and corporate fat cats. Regular folks tend to confuse those ill-got loopholes with the worthy loopholes and government incentives currently paid to the automakers for fuel efficient cars and to GE for just about anything Jeffery Immelt can imagine. No need to trigger any thought of a double standard.
We can’t forget our men and women in the Armed Forces. Bring them home, all of them, right now. If they’re all here they won’t need so many ships, tanks, guns, and MRE’s; that’ll be good for our CBO score sheet when it comes time to raise the debt ceiling again. If we mind our own business then nobody will bother us, right? As far as those folks we befriended in Iraq and Afghanistan … well, they’ll just have to figure it out. It’s their mess now. Besides, bin Laden now swims with the fish, Al Qaida is crippled and the Taliban is on life support. It’s doubtful any remnants of radical Islam will ever be a threat to us again. And if that’s the case, we could cut defense and intelligence spending by at least 50%. It’ll be just like the good old days when Bush 41 and Clinton 42 were in office and the world was one happy, dysfunctional family with a few minor clan squabbles here and there. That whole 911 thing was just some last minute planning by some kooks with nothing better to do during Bush 43’s first nine months. What could possibly go wrong?
Obamacare, National Labor Relations Board, Environmental Protection Agency, politically appointed czars, ….. What could possibly go wrong?
By all means let’s get going on being green. We can start by exporting all our crude oil technology and procurement assets to Canada, Mexico and Brazil and importing their harvest. Wait a minute, we already do that. Ok then, wind turbines on every hillside, just like Spain. It’s really worked out well for their economic bottom line(?) We could build a nuclear power plant in every state if we can keep the enviro lobby in check. Let’s raise the CAFE standards to at least 100 mpg and put energy monitoring gizmos in every household to isolate the non- team players. Ah, Rapid Rail .. now there’s a safe and economically resilient system. We could use AMTRAK as a guide, and maybe co-opt some lessons learned from the Chinese. What could possibly go wrong?
Can’t forget our education system and the robust agenda teachers unions bring to enlighten our youth. Allowing them to continue on course we can make knowledge, critical thinking skills, excellence, and merit achievement feckless things of the past while reinforcing that awesome international ranking of 17thin math, reading, and science for 15 year olds. We’re #17, We’re #17 … awesome! We just missed beating out Iceland and were light years ahead of Azerbaijan.
We could go to foreign policy but, yikes, that’s such a crazy mishmash. Maybe we should just let everyone else take care of themselves. Besides, what are we paying the United Nations more than $2.5bn for; office space and parking spots in NYC?
Ridiculous? Too tough on an opposing perspective? Probably. I could have composed an equally irritating essay on the prospects if the name calling roles were reversed and the Tea Party cast themselves as the forthright defenders of the Republic and called their opposition on the left – “terrorists”. Truth be told, it gets tiresome hearing them throw around the term ‘communist’. Sticks and stones – I can hear founding father James Madison now, “Hmm, what could possibly go wrong?”